"93 Million Miles"

I had every intention of updating this blog before I flew back home: a sort of T-Minus 24 hours until it's all over type of thing. And to be honest it wasn't as if I didn't have time in the days leading up to my departure.

More then once I sat down at my computer in Switzerland with every intention of writing something, anything. I would make myself a cup of peppermint tea and grab my trusty bag of gummi bears and begin to type away, full of confidence that I would succeed. I might have too, if it weren't for the fact that every few minutes I would look up from my computer and glance out of the window in front of me. I would look down on the beautiful city of Lucerne, clinging to the edge of a lake and framed by the famous Swiss Alps. I would slide my gaze over to the castle on the mountain across from me, gleaming white in the sun and casting a shadow over the landscape and daydream of what it must have been like to have lived there, once upon a time. After several minutes had gone by (possibly a half hour, but who's counting), I'd drag my gaze back to my computer and stare at the screen despondently. 

 But really? This view would distract anybody.

I didn't want my time in Europe to be all over, which made finding something poignant and touching to say about my whole experience, and it's culmination, rather difficult. And so, more then once, I dejectedly deleted the few paragraphs I had managed to force onto the page and went on with my day, repeatedly telling myself that it would be easier tomorrow. 

Only it never was.

♥

I believe that not being able to write that entry was my way of foolishly trying to delay the inevitable. I didn't want my grand adventure to be over, and so I couldn't write more then a few, cheesy sentences about its ending. There have been many other AuPairs who have blogged about their experience abroad alongside me. Several of them were returning home around the same time as myself and I would read their 'good-bye entries', so to speak, and become even more frustrated. One in particular was so elegant, and so perfectly expressed all of my chaotic feelings that it made me want to scream. WHY WAS I INCAPABLE OF DOING THE SAME??

After several weeks of reflection and time spent with my family and friends in the comfort of the world I grew up in, I have come to this conclusion:

My last few weeks in Germany I was, quite literally, a mess. I can only hope that I didn't seem half as crazy to the people around me as I felt. I was so distraught over the thought of all I would be leaving behind, but so excited to see my family and friends back home. I wanted to tear up every time I passed a bakery or drank a swig of delicious German bier, but could almost taste my mom's homemade lasagna on my tongue. I would hug the boys and cuddle them close to me, laugh and cry with my friends, revel in the time I had left with my host parents, and then in the next second a picture of my baby sister jumping into my arms at the airport, just as we'd planned, would pop into my head. I felt 

 so torn and so overwhelmed by so many different emotions; 

I even developed stomach pains from all of the stress. So essentially...

this crazy feline was me. 

And I was having a hard time understanding why I couldn't seem to write a single word.

But here it is after all, hopefully coherent and interesting but most importantly: finished, my story of

an American AuPair in Germany.

It ended very beautifully: in the mountains of Switzerland and then finally, back in Munich, surrounded by everyone I'd come to love. My host parents held a dinner party for me two nights before I left. I went over to the house early to play with the boys and spend time with the family. After a few hours Tia and Siobhan arrived and we all sat down to a dinner prepared by Kathrin, my host mom, and her mother. They'd cooked all of my favorite foods and even made GriesBrei for dessert. It was delicious and so incredibly thoughtful, and if you don't know what GriesBrei is, do yourself a favor and Google it. Even if it is considered 'kid food' by mostly everyone I met in Germany...I could eat it all day long :)

♥

After dinner Tia, Siobahn, and I gave an impromptu musical performance to my host family. We sang the cups song for the boys and they thought it was the coolest thing. We spent the next half hour teaching them how to master the technique themselves. They picked it up about two times faster then any of us.

And then, after the boys were in bed, my host parents took us out to drinks at a local bar. Siobhan's boyfriend Lukas met us there and we spent one of the nicest evenings all together. It is one of my favorite memories of the whole year. I've said it many times before, but just to reiterate in case anyone wasn't sure, I couldn't have been more fortunate in my host family. Kathrin and Andreas: my year was so extraordinary because you gave me the freedom and opportunity to make it so. I will forever remember your support and love. I fell completely in love with your boys. I think about them all of the time, and you, and wish you only the best, forever and ever. They will always have an honorary big sister in California 

with her door wide open whenever they want to visit.

My last day was spent packing. By some miracle I managed to re-fit everything back into my original two suitcases. I may have thrown quite a few things out along the way, but the most important thing is that both bags weighed exactly fifty pounds when I went to check them in at the airport the next morning.

Due to this, and the fact that I never once had a problem with lost baggage, zippers that wouldn't zip, or wheels inconveniently falling off of my luggage in the middle of foreign countries, the final score is as follows:

Sarah - 1,582

Disasters Related to Luggage - 25

Some points have been awarded to the opposition due to the loss of Theresa's bags when she came to visit me, but considering I've been traveling around Europe for FIFTEEN months, I'd say that's not to shabby.

My last night was spent with Simon and his family, who've been kinder to me then I ever could have imagined. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
♡

And then finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, it was time to go. Saying goodbye was difficult and painful but eventually, I found myself wedged into a tiny seat on a massive plane bound 

straight towards my home. The best destination in the whole world.

I sat next to a delightful man from Canada whose conversation made the journey a bit less tedious and who was kind enough to purchase a sandwich for me when he saw that I hadn't anything to eat. And finally, after fifteen months, I arrived in Sacramento to the best homecoming I could have imagined.

 

Genuine happiness!

My plane touched down in California late on a Sunday evening. The entire airport was close to shutting down for the night and passengers listlessly walked past me on their way to claim their baggage. We all had that dopey-eyed, 'I've just been on a flight that seemed as if it were never going to end kind' kind of look in our eyes, but as I made my way down the escalator I saw a whole crowd of people waiting at the bottom with balloons and signs, and massive smiles on their faces. It's an incredibly special gift to come home to so many open arms. I felt like a superstar with all of the pageantry and photos being taken: a wonderful, and heartfelt way to end a difficult day.    

And then began the task of adjusting. Moving forward hasn't been, and even now, two months later, still isn't always easy. All it takes is to hear one snippet of a song on the radio or to see the profile of a little boy that looks, for one second, like one of my boys, and I'm instantly transported back. I believe that when you truly fall in love, whether it's with a place, a person, or a whole community of people, you give a little piece of yourself away, entrusting it into the care of someones hands. It's how one person can feel at home in many different parts of the world: some people, some places leave their mark on you. In exchange you gift them with a piece of your heart and then suddenly the whole concept of 'home' seems infinitely great. I find comfort in the thought that I don't really have to say good bye. If home is where the heart is then I will always have a home in Munich, and with the people I've loved there, and that's a pretty cool thought. I've left a piece of myself in Germany. I cannot get it back and even if I could, I would wish for it to always remain there, nestled in the hearts of the people, and the city I love. I've been irrevocably changed for good, and for the better. Who could ask for anything more?

Friends Reunion!!

So for now I'm working on finding a job, settling in, and figuring out exactly which direction I want my life to take. I've always believed I knew myself fairly well: that I knew exactly who I was, and where I was going. I'm not so certain any longer, but I'm learning to live with this too. Uncertainty and the unknown don't scare me nearly as much as they used to. In this moment I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. I'll always find my way; if I've learned anything from my time as an AuPair, it's this.

Home in time for my sister's 21st birthday. Very important :)

 And as a bit of a side note, quite some time ago I was lucky enough to have been approached by the agency I went through, AuPairCare Germany, about linking my blog to their website. The idea is that anyone considering becoming an AuPair themselves can read first-hand accounts of what their life might be like. I haven't exactly used this blog to address the logistics of being an AuPair, but for anyone who might be reading this entry and questioning whether this choice might be for them I have only two pieces of advice.

1. If you have even the slightest inclination, explore the idea fully, and if that idea turns into a desire to take action, go for it. Close your eyes, take the leap, and try to only look back every once in awhile. (It is, after all, important not to forget what you've left behind.) Follow your gut in all things: choosing prospective host families, choosing which pair of heels you could probably live without on the cobblestone streets of Europe, choosing which countries to explore, and choosing the friends who'll become a part of your family along your journey. GO FOR IT. And if something isn't right, reevaluate, make a change, and move forward.

2. Don't underestimate the incredible power of the connections you might make along the way. Let them change you and become a part of you. And when it comes time to say goodbye cry your heart out, unashamedly and with no regrets. Don't apologize for your sorrow: it means you've had the time of your life. Drowning your heartache in a liter of some good, German bier is also encouraged.

For the link to an another amazing blog and the one I've referenced above...click here.

And while I can't say that this is the last you'll ever hear from me (I may not be an AuPair any longer but I'm always up for an adventure), it is good bye for now. Thank you so much to everyone for their support of this blog, and for your faithful and loving support of me.

Auf Wiedersehen und Bis Bald

  

XO

Sarah

 "93 million miles from the Sun, people get ready get ready,
'cause here it comes it’s a light, a beautiful light, over the horizon into our eyes
Oh, my my how beautiful, oh my beautiful mother
She told me, 'Son in life you’re gonna go far, and if you do it right you’ll love where you are
Just know, that wherever you go, you can always come home'.

Every road is a slippery slope
There is always a hand that you can hold on to.
Looking deeper through the telescope
You can see that your home’s inside of you.

Just know, that wherever you go, no you’re never alone, you will always get back home."

-Jason Mraz